Wednesday, July 30, 2008

an announcment

Readers: occassionally I post a joke...do you read them? ...and should I keep posting them?...

A Bad Day:

A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day."
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The guy says, "Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work. On my way to work I got in an accident. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife screwing my best friend."

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The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?"

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The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again."

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The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?"

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The guy says, "I said BAD DOG!"

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

too funny

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today,
I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'
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The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today.
When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That
makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.'
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Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel great.
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I be at work soon. ... You got nice house.'

tonight----part-1-of-1

Tonight

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Went to Minyard’s tonight for milk and bread, got into a conversation with this cute blonde I noticed over by the produce section. We start talking about peppers and how we both like spicy foods. Store’s about to close, so I ask her for her name and phone number, she says no because she's got a boyfriend in the army and how she misses him so much and shit. Oh well fuck it, I’m not in the mood to play games tonight, so I grab a 6-pk of Heineken and go to the check out.
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Light skin black chick at the register gives me a smile and I’m thinkin that maybe I got jungle fever tonight because she’s kind of cute and has got a nice ass, but nah I’m too tired to go for it and beside she’s looking a little too young.
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Go out to the car and see the blonde from the produce section standing out in the parking lot, and she says she’s sorry for blowing me off after talking for 20-minutes. She’s kind of lonely because her boyfriend doesn’t write or email or anything. She just moved here from Houston so she could live with pops and go to UTA next year.

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So we talk some more and I offer her a beer. At first we’re sitting on the tailgate of my truck, talking and drinking. When it starts getting kind of chilly, we move into the cab and I turn on the radio. After 30-minutes, were out of beer so I run to the store at the corner just before it closes and grab a 12-pk of Heineken cans. Prick behind the counter starts given me shit about my ID, because I grew my hair out long since I got my license. But he lets me buy it anyway after I show him my work ID.
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When I got back to the truck and she was sitting there with her eyes closed with half a beer, kind of smiling you know, like she’s got her buzz on. I see a cop cruising by and decide we can’t sit here and drink without getting hassled, so I dump the empties in the trash can and put the 12-pk in the bed of the truck. She asked me if I have any weed, because now she’s in the mood to get fucked-up. “Nah,” I say, “I can’t smoke because we get drug tested at work and it’s been 6-months since I peed in a cup so I know I‘m due.” I got some Jack and some vodka at the house and maybe some tequila I tell her. She says, “Sure,” because she doesn’t want to go home to her pops right now. He’s some sort of religious freak when it comes to drinking and getting high.
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I drive back to my place, kind of slow because I don’t want the cops pulling us over but not too slow, I ain’t drunk but I don’t know if I’d pass the breathalyzer. She called her pops, told him she’s staying over at some friend’s house because they need to be somewhere early, or some BS. I think about it for a second then my cock starts getting hard, but I’ve got to cool it, we aren’t there yet.
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When we get home, my neighbor is standing outside smoking because his wife doesn’t let him smoke in his own house. “That’s fucked up,” I tell him, “Especially if you’re making the payments and shit.” I’m trying to cut the conversation short because I got me a hot looking blonde with a buzz, but he wants to talk and because he’s a nosey fucker and wants to get up in my business. Fuck. Finally I tell him I got to piss and go inside.
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As soon as I got in the house and let out the dog, I get us each a beer and put the rest in the fridge. When I look in the cabinet, I think, “shit I’m out of Jack, and no tequila either. Just 1/2 bottle of vodka and some Caption Morgan.” Then I remember the bottle of jack that I got for Christmas. It was hidden because my cousin was staying with me for a few weeks, and he's a fucking pig and would have drunk the whole thing by himself. Went to my closet and reached behind a bunch of shit and pulled it out.
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I go back to the kitchen and pour us a couple of glasses of jack on the rocks. Then,
I gave her a guided tour of my house. When we got to my bedroom, she shut the door and sat down on my bed. Then sitting there on the bed, she drank her beer n started on mine. Shit, this girl likes to drink! So were talking n drinking, keeping it kind of lit you know, I put on some music and turn the lights down One kiss and. she takes her hair down and wow didn’t realize it was that long. “Yea,” she says, “It used to be down to my ass but I got it cut because it was a pain in the ass to deal with.” I ask her to show me how long her hair was and she says, “You just want to look at her ass.”

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“Well, yea baby. I’m an ass man, and a breast man,” I grin, “And, well anything else you got.”

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So she gets up and starts shaking and smacking her ass as she dances round the place, like she’s a stripper or something. She asks, “Do you think I’m hot?”

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“Hell yea I think you’re hot,” I tell her, “You got a fuckin awesome body, pretty face and a cute smile.”

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“You like my ass?” she asks shyly.

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“Yea,” I tell her, “You got a sweet ass.” That pleases her so much that she pulls down her jeans a bit so I can see her thong. But then she pulls them back up. Fuckin tease!
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So she starts grinding her ass into me and before I know it I’m getting hard enough to punch a hole through a brick wall. And then as she start unbuttoning her top, she asks, “Do you like my breasts?”

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“Fuck yea!” I say.

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Then with a big smile she dances a little more. Then she says she’s getting dizzy, so she sits down next to me. The next minute she’s straddling me. Before I know what’s going on, she starts grinding into me and pulling my hair. As we kiss, I worked her top off and she’s got the nicest set of I’ve seen in a long time. When I start massaging her breasts she starts going wild, grinding into me even harder, biting my neck and digging her nails into my back.

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Suddenly she was ripping both our cloths off. Before I could even get my pants and shoes off, she was sucking my cock. I thought she was going to make me cum before I could even get completely undressed. To slow things down I pushed her on her back and buried my face in her pussy.

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She fucks like she hasn’t had any in years and like she was never going to get any ever again. I can’t count how many time she cummed but as soon as she’d catch her breath she’d want to go again. Her whole body feels hot, like she was on fire. I think the beer and the jack finally caught up with her because around 2:30 she finally just rolled up in the blanket and went to sleep.

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We did everything that night but swing from the light fixtures. Later I’d swear that there were footprints on my ceiling. I won’t say she was loud, but while I was eating her pussy my bedroom door flew open and crashed into the wall. When I raise my mouth from her pussy and looked up, my teenage neighbor and one of his buddies were standing there with their mouths open. Before I could react, I heard them run out the front door. Later when she was gone, they told me she was screaming so loud that they could hear her all the way out to the sidewalk. They busted in the door, because they were sure that I was killing her.

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She obviously wasn’t the shy type, because after the boys ran out she pulled my face back down to her crotch and I went back to eating her pussy. By the time we finished fucking, she’d cummed 3-times with me doing her dog-style. When I finally made it, I cummed so hard that I thought my balls were going to turn wrong side out.

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She was insatiable. Once I caught my breath, her face was in my lap sucking me hard again. Pulling me on top of her in the missionary, she reached down and inserted the head of my now hard cock into her moist filled slit. Then to give me better access she positioned her legs up on my shoulders. Then she grabbed my ass and pulled me forward, driving my hard cock deeper into her cummed filled pussy. With a muffled roar, I started working my hips and pistoning my cock in and out of her hot pussy. In this position I was immediately hitting her g-spot. In a dozen strokes she was cumming so hard that she couldn’t breath. Her tremors shoved me over the edge. Before I knew it I was cumming like an erupting volcano.

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When I rolled off, she moved over and started mouthing my cock. I relaxed and let her mouth work its magic, she moved around into a 69-position, where she was kneeling over my face. As her mouth worked rapidly up and down my hard cock she relaxed her legs and slowly lowered her cum filled pussy towards my face. Caught up in the excitement, as soon as she was in range, I flicked out my tongue and ran it the length of her engorged slit.

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Flicking my tongue between the puff folds of her pussy, got her so excited that she rolled over on her back and spread her legs. I ended up on my knees with her legs over my shoulders. I gently pulled the soft pink engorged lips of her pussy apart with my thumbs and dug my tongue into her wet pussy. Then I lapped at her wet pussy like a dog drinking from his water dish, as I savored the tang of our combined juices. She began to moan loudly, dragging her fingers through my hair as I licked my pussy. Moving up her slit, I started licking and then sucking her swollen clit. "Oh yes ...oh yes you are such a good lover. Oh yes, lick my pussy. Make me cum,” she whimpered like a baby.

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As my tongue danced sensuously in her pussy, she gasped for breath and moaned, "Oooh yes, you’re so good at licking pussy." Running her fingers roughly through my hair, "Ooh don't stop ...I love having your tongue in my pussy." Then holding onto my head, she tilting my head back and positioned my tongue where it was hitting place of such pleasurable lust. She went wild when I slid two fingers up into her pussy and began to fuck her with my fingers as I continued lick and kiss her. Sweat was now running down her body as I continued to go at her pussy like there was no tomorrow.

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"Oooh god...I'm gonna cum all over yours face! Don't stop ...please don't stop... make me cum..... oh yes...make me cum!" she moaned and then let out a loud scream of joy as my tongue brought her to the point of ecstasy. Her thighs clamped around my face as she coated my tongue, lips and chin with her sweet pussy juice. I laughingly licked it all up as she I twitched uncontrollably through the tremors of an orgasm.

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It took me about 3-hours to satisfy her. Once she was sated, we both collapsed on the bed totally exhausted. While we were relaxing, she explained what was going on. She hadn’t had sex in over a year. Since her boyfriend was in Iraq defending our country, she had tried to wait for him. I was the first guy that she’d fucked since he left and she was so wild because she was sex starved.

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I'm tired and sore and I’ve got fucking bruises and scrapes all over me, but I can’t fucking sleep. Not her though. She’s asleep in the other room snoring away, and I’m sitting here on the computer putting all this down so im sure its not just a dream. I got to get up n go to work in a few hours. I think I’m gonna get some milk and Oreos, and then take a couple of Tylenol so I can try go get some sleep before the sun comes up.

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The End…

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Monday, July 28, 2008

a new friend----part-1-of-1

A New Friend/ Pull the Plug



A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small NC town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from our friends, any visitors or us. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.

My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. What is his name? ..…We just call him, "TV."

**Note: This should be required reading for every household in America! **

If things weren’t bad enough, he now has a wife now.... We call her "Computer."…And we call their children…cell phones, and I-pods

Sunday, July 27, 2008

thanksgiving MILF----part-1-of-1

Thanksgiving MILF

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I’m Wesley, a senior in high school. I’m captain of the football team,
tall, 6-foot 4, dark black hair, dark brown eyes, caramel skin, strong cheekbones, and a rugged handsomeness that hinted at danger and masculinity. According to my last girlfriend, just pretty enough to catch your eye, and manly enough to make you feel all girly next to me.

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My parents went out of town to visit our relatives for Thanksgiving. I bullshitted them into believing I had tests, and couldn't leave until Wednesday. So, they let me stay home on the condition that I stay at my friend Robert’s house. This was great for two reasons: first, he was my best friend; and second, he happens to have a smoking hot mom.

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Robert’s mom and I had began kind of flirting around at the beginning of the summer, especially when she would lie out by the pool in her tiny red bikini. She had Robert when she was young, so she was only about 35-years old. Mrs. W was tall, I guess about 5-feet 9, with amazing long lean legs, curves in just the right places, a hard body athletic build from yoga and aerobics, and the most awesome breasts, not huge but not itty-bitty-titty either. Her features were unique, with high cheekbones, a long delicate face and the whitest smile you will ever see. She has short contemporary reddish-brown hair, and big blue eyes. She loves to laugh, and all and all, is outgoing, fun and friendly, and definitely a MILF.
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I work at a local restaurant and get off around 10. By the time I get home, it's almost 11. It was the same as always, except tonight I was staying at my friend Robert’s. They left the garage door open for me in case everyone was asleep, when I got there the house was dark and everyone was in bed asleep, I checked on my bud and he was snoozing away, so I slipped over to the guest bedroom stripped down, grabbed a towel and headed for the downstairs bathroom to shower so I wouldn't wake anyone.

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I took a nice long hot shower and got out and was drying off when the door swung open and Mrs. W was standing there in a bathrobe. As I instinctively put the towel in front of my crotch, she let out a little surprised yelp. Even though she did a little gasp, her eyes sort of looked me up and down. I’m an athlete and am cut pretty well and have a nice body. When she then made a sound like “mmmmm,” I knew I had to make a play, so I pulled the towel away.
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This time she really did let out another gasp, I’ve been blessed as they say; my cock is about nine inches long and kind of thick. As it rose to the occasion, Mrs. W stood there and stared for a few seconds. Then she stepped in, closing the door behind her. Since neither of us had said a word yet, I was afraid to be the first to break the silence. My heart was beating a million miles an hour and my mouth was as dry as the Sahara.
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When Mrs. W stepped towards me. I don't know why but I took her wrist and put her hand on my cock. She did that gasp thing again and I knew I had her. Still nervous as shit, I put my other hand behind her neck and started to pull her toward my cock. She kind of pulled back and whispered, “I don’t do that, not even for my husband.”

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I don't know where I got the balls but I just said, “Too bad for him,” and kept pulling her towards my hard cock. She kind of resisted but kept bending down a little. Encouraged, I eased her down to her knees, and then moved my hand up into her hair. Twisting my fingers into her hair, I grabbed a fistful and used it to push her mouth onto my cock. Right away she opened her lips and let out a low moan as my cock invaded her mouth. Not a moan of pain, but a moan of pleasure, as if she liked it.
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She pulled back and said timidly that she wasn't very good at this. I said, “Don't worry just use your tongue -- lick the head and the shaft.” I couldn’t believe that I had Mrs. W down on her knees and that I was teaching her how to suck my cock. “Just keep sucking, you’re doing be fine,” I assured her.

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She said, “This isn’t one of my favorite things, so I’m afraid that I’m not very good at it.” I assured her that she was doing just fine and that it was most definitely one of my favorite things and it needed to happen. Then, with both hands still tangled in her hair, I guided my cock back to her lips.

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“Open your mouth,” I ordered as I possessively pushed the head of my cock back into her mouth. As I forced the big head of my cock between her lips, I told her, “Take your time.” Stroking her hair affectionately, I added, “Just relax and use your mouth, your lips and your tongue.” Mrs. W was a quick learner. She gagged a couple of times but she kept on working and pretty soon she had more than half of my cock in her mouth and was giving me a primo blowjob.

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Not very long after that, I could feel the pressure building up and knew that I was getting ready to pop. Going for broke and sensing she liked being told what to do, I told her, “I’m cumming and I wanted you to swallow my load.”

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Mrs. W never stopped sucking. She just kept making a moaning sound and that was all the encouragement I needed. I blew an awesome load. As my hot cum splashed against the back of her throat, she choked and gagged but kept sucking. She swallowed most of it but some managed to spill out corners of her mouth and ooze down her chin. The tremors were so intense that I pulled my cock out of her mouth off my cock.

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With an impish grin, she dragged her finger across her cheek and chin and pushed the spilled cum back into her mouth. It was so hot that I thought I was going to come again just watching her.
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I was still leaning against the wall gasping for breath when Mrs. W stood up and opened her robe. Now, it was my turn to let out a gasp. She had the most incredibly perfect body that I’d ever seen. It was easy to see the effect that yoga had on her body. She had a firm flat tummy, two, perfect round breasts with very little sag, and her pubes were trimmed into a little tuft of curly hair at the top of her slit. When she let the robe fall and turned to lock the bathroom door, she showed me the tightest littlest butt you could ask for.
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After an incredible blowjob like that, I certainly wanted to return the favor. When I started to bend down to on my knees to give her head, she said, “I think that it’s time to teach you a little something about women.” Taking my chin in her hand, she lifted me toward her and told me, “Women liked to be kissed and caressed and touched and teased and played with and made loved to. To be made to feel special.”
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We kissed, and I swear it was astounding. It was so electrical that I could feel the electricity crackling in the air all around us. I couldn't seem to get enough; we were both moaning and groaning. My head spun as our kissing got hotter and hotter. Needless to say, I was sporting wood again in no time. I had my hands all over her naked body and she had hers all over me. I pulled away from her mouth and ran my tongue down her neck, kissing and licking her throat, her shoulders, and then her chest. Kissing and licking all around her breasts, made her go wild. When I finally I ran my tongue across her nipple, she went insane. Stiffening up, she arched her back and grabbed my hair and forcefully shoved my mouth over to the other nipple.
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I took this as my cue to escalate things. Working her super sensitive erect nipples between my thumbs and my forefingers, and then still working my tongue over her body, I slowly dragged my lips softly down her stomach. As I nibbled my way closer and closer to her pussy, she told me, “Stop! Don’t go any lower, that’s too naughty.”

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Sensing that the time was ripe, I ignored her plea and drove my tongue right into her dripping wet pussy. As luck would have it, I caught her clit with a quick flick of my tongue, and that was all it took. She actually growled as she took two handfuls of my hair and tried to yank my head up. But, it was a growl of pleasure, so I knew that I owned her.
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As I worked my tongue around her clit, Mrs. W started squirming and was soon shaking all over. I stopped only long enough to guide her onto the floor where I spread her legs and buried my face back in her embroiled pussy. Digging in, I gave her the best head that I’d ever given.

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I didn't know it but this was the first time that anyone had ever went-down on her. Not only did Mrs. W not give her husband head, but he didn’t go down on her either. She started cumming almost immediately, but I kept at it. As my tongue flicked her clit, her back was arching, and her hips were literally bucking up and down off the floor. Her legs, now around my neck, were quivering and her body shaking was the biggest turn on in my life. She kept moaning and begging me to stop but all the while she kept squirming and gasping as she cummed again and again. Finally she begged, “Please!” as she panted, “I couldn't breath.”

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As I worked my tongue faster and faster up and down her slit, Mrs. W suddenly stiffened and slammed her thighs against my head so hard that I thought my ears would pop. When she went limp, I slowly stopped licking and kissing her pussy. When I looked up, she’d passed out.
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I freaked out. I thought she’d had a fucking heart attack or something. Jumping up, I listened to her heart and let out a sigh of relief when I heard it beating, really fast but still beating. I quickly got up and dampened a washcloth with cold water. As I dabbed her face and neck with the cool water, she moaned a little and then after her eyes fluttered a few times, she opened her eyes and gave me this most awesome smile. Then with a big sigh, she whispered, “I don't know how you did that but I’ve never had that kind or that many orgasms before in her life.”
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As we lay on the floor, cuddling and kissing, my cock got rock hard again in no time. Saying that we needed to get off the floor, she got up and unlocked the door. When she bent down to pick up her robe, I got a fantastic view of that incredible ass again. Telling me that we were going into the den, she led me down the hall. My cock was throbbing with excitement as I watched that little tight little butt swaying from side to side in front of me. As soon as we got in the den, I took her in my arms and we started kissing again. Sliding her hand in between us, she gripped my cock, and then with a giggle, she said we needed to be quiet because she didn’t want to wake her husband.

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As she stroked my cock and told me that she had to have me inside of her, it took every ounce of my self-control, not to bust a nut right then. Pulling her down onto the couch, I started licking and kissing her breasts as I ran my hands all over her naked body. When I started to work my tongue down her firm stomach, she stopped me and said, “No, I want you to fuck me.” God, I couldn’t believe my ears. My best friend’s mom had just said, “Fuck me!” It was shocking, but it was the sexiest thing that I’d ever heard.

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Moving up, I put the head of my cock against the engorged lips of her pussy lips. When I moved it sensuously up and down her damp slit, she started moaning and squirming and begging me to put my big cock in her. I kept teasing her with my cock and she kept begging me to put it in. With a smile, I told her to, “Say it again.”

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With a puzzled look, she said, “Say what?”

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I said, “Say ‘Fuck me! Please fuck me!’ Say, ‘Please put your huge cock in my hot wet pussy and fuck me like I’ve never been fucked before.’”

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With a wicked little giggle, she smiled and said, “No you beg me.”

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With a mighty thrust, I slammed my cock balls deep in her pussy. With a loud gasp, Mrs. W arched her back and let out a little scream. As I covered her mouth with my hand, I pulled my cock out and started running it up and down her engorged slit again. This time, she was more willing to beg me to fuck her. Even though she said everything I asked her to and more, and I still kept teasing her with my cock until she was squirming and begging and pleading for real.
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Laughing, I stopped teasing her pussy lips and slid just the head of my cock in her pretty pink slit. Moaning, Mrs. W frantically wrapped her legs around my waist and lifted her hips off the couch to meet me. With one hand kneading her beautiful breasts, and with the other guiding her hip, I slowly worked more and more of my cock in and out of her. Each time I forced it forward and then eased it back, she whimpered and begged for more. Once I had most of my cock in her, I started slowly pulling my cock almost all the way out and then slowly and sensuously sliding it backs in. Mrs. W kept trying to fuck me faster but I held her down while I casually worked my cock in and out. As my excitement escalated, I slow quickened the tempo a little at a time. As I fucked her faster and faster, Mrs. W started to moan louder and louder. When I clamped my hand over her mouth and reminded her that we needed to be cautious, she moaned, “Oh god, it feels so damn good, that I can't help myself.”
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Pulling out of her, I slumped down beside her, with my front against her. Covering her mouth again, I eased my cock along the crack of her ass and shoved it into her as hard as I could into her pussy. She let out this muffled scream, and kept moaning and screaming into my hand as I pounded her pussy dog-style. Caught up in the excitement, I was soon fucking her as hard and as fast as I could. She started cumming again and again, going off like a machine gun.

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As I continued to brutally pound her, she convulsed and shook and thrashed and screamed into my palm for what seemed forever. My cock seemed to get harder and harder with each of her movements until I couldn't hold it anymore. My balls exploded, sending a thrill through my body, as I cummed harder than I’d ever cummed in my life. My hips kept twitching and it seemed like I would never stop cumming. It was the most mind-shattering fuck of my life. Not that I’ve had that much sex, but it was far the best I’d had so far.

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We cuddled on the couch for a while not really moving, me just spooning her from behind, my flaccid cock still in her. After a few minutes I started kissing the back of her neck and caressing her breasts. Mrs. W responded by moving her hips as she pressed back against my crotch. Being a teenager with a lot of stamina, soon my erection was returning. Gently rubbing her butt against my erection, she said that we’d better stop before we got caught, and besides, she needed something to drink. We both let out a disappointing moan as I reluctantly I pulled out.

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As we passed by the bathroom, Mrs. W collected her robe and I grabbed my towel, then we were on the way back upstairs.
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Stopping in the kitchen, we both grabbed a bottle of water and stood by the island in the kitchen drinking them. Still enflamed, Mrs. W kissed me again, and naturally my cock immediately sprang to attention. With a contented smile, Mrs. W obligingly sank to her knees and started sucking it. With a happy sigh, I gently placed my hand on the top of her head, encouraging and showing her my appreciation. When I heard her husband ask me, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing,” I almost had a fucking heart attack. Before I could figure out what to say, he laughed and said, “I scared the shit out of you didn't I?”
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I let out a nervous little chuckle and said, “You sure did.”

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“Finish up your water,” he said, “and get to bed. We don't want to wake up my wife. She probably fell asleep in the den watching TV, again.” and then he added, “Well, I’m going back to bed. See you in the morning.”

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“I don’t want to wake her either, so I’ll be heading back up to bed as well,” I dutifully answered. It was all I could do to keep a straight face, because all the time he was talking she kept sucking and licking my cock. It was like she was more turned on because her husband was only a few feet away.

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I have to hand it to Mrs. W, she definitely was a quick leaner. She was sucking like a master now, working her tongue on the underside of my cock as she worked her mouth up and down the shaft. There was only the slightest gag as the head bumped the back of her throat.

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Her husband hadn’t made it 3-steps before I cummed with an explosion and a moan. He turned and asked if I was ok. I assured him, “I’m fine; I just had a little trouble getting my water down at first. But not to worry, it’s going down just fine this time, just fine.” Warning me not to drink too fast, he turned and went on off to bed.
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Before she followed me up stairs, Mrs. W promised to meet me tomorrow for another session before I headed out to join my parents at my grandmother’s house.

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The end…

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

blowjobs----part-1-of-1

Professional blowjob.... My ASS!!

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Fellatio, or as its better known a blowjob is oral sex performed on a man. It is a great way to give pleasure; regardless of whether it is for foreplay, after play, or the main event. Like all other sexual skills, they must be learned, so communication is highly recommended. Whether the communication is before, during, or after, it is essential to learn the art. Finding out what he likes will invariably go a long way towards helping a girl perform mind-blowing oral sex. So why then is it so hard for a girl to give a good blowjob? All she has to do is suck on the dick, keep it wet, and to move her mouth up and down. A girl shouldn't be afraid to put her hand or her mouth on the guy’s balls as part of the whole blowjob. Just remember two things: be gentle with the balls and swallow.

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So I am dating this girl. She is honestly the hottest girl I have ever dated, 5-foot 5, about 110 pounds, wavy auburn hair, very nice where it counts and deep blue eyes to die for. It started out as playful flirting every time I would see her at Hudson Grille. Then I asked her out. Dinner and drinks led to more playful flirting and from there it was a steady progression of very fun events.

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Well, we just started the sex stuff about 4-weeks ago and I am already I had to dump her. She had no idea how to give head. She thought she was the oral champ of the universe and she said? "If I was to ever go on the Bachelor I would win because after one blowjob he would get rid of every other girl?" Wrong… her blowjobs were so horrible, more often than not, I got only a 1/2 wood. The way she held my cock was as if she had never touched one before. She used to brag to a mutual friend that the last guy she dated said she was the 'best he ever had'. He must have been a near virgin. The funniest thing is, during the entire time we went out, I only cummed 4-times. I faked all of my orgasms during sex. She was so dim that she didn't get it. I must deserve an Oscar for that one. I didn't want her to feel bad that she didn't turn me on sexually anymore.
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Whoever taught her to suck a cock didn't know their ass from a hole in the ground. It's down right shameful how bad she is at it. I could expect that from one of those Louis Vuitton carrying, bug-eyed sunglass wearing, ribbon-in-their-hair Southern Belles. But, a life long Yankee fan from Northern New Jersey?? Come on. I thought you girls learned by sucking the chrome off of the exhaust of some Guido's Camero?

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First, when I tell her to use her hand, it doesn't mean for her to grip my cock like it's a fire escape ladder on the 50th floor. Also, I don't want her to tug on it like she’s pulling herself up a rope either. Spit on it or whatever. But for god’s sake, get some lubrication. Something. Anything. Otherwise it feels like she’s pulling the skin off and that is putting it lightly. Too often she initiates oral sex by only sucking on my cock. To achieve a more powerful orgasm, it is better practice if she starts with some teasing. With the exception of a quickie, a blowjob (fellatio) should be started by kissing and licking around my cock, on my inner thighs, then on to my testicles, and then slowly up my shaft towards the head of my cock. Once she gets there, she should use her tongue to tickle me around the head, and especially on (frenulum) that fold under my cock connecting the head to the foreskin, the split on the underside of my cock. At this point, my cock should be hard as a rock and super-sensitive to everything that she does. She can continue teasing if she’d like, but I don’t recommend teasing too long, as this can become frustrating for me.

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Second, NO, NO, NO, NO, my fucking dimwit girlfriend, doesn’t know how to use her teeth, no fucking girl does. Very few of us guys like the feeling of teeth on our cock. Teeth can cause discomfort, cuts, and scratches to the skin if you aren’t careful. Tucking her lips around her teeth before she takes my cock in her mouth easily avoids this. I swear if she uses her teeth next time, I am going to pull out while I have her tied up like a pretzel and seriously shoot it in her eye. I am not fucking kidding either.

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Third, another more difficult to master skill is deep throating, but deep throating is not just taking just 3-inches in and nearly puking. In deep throating, you need to take my entire cock into your mouth and down your throat, hence the name. In many cases, when done properly the sensation will be so intense that my climax comes quickly. As enjoyable as this may be, I realize that it takes time to learn to control your gag reflex. You can train your gag reflex by trying to take as much of my cock as you can whenever you’re giving me a blowjob. Warn me and I’ll restrain from any thrusting during this exercise! With time, you will be able to go deeper and deeper, until finally you’ll be able to take the whole thing. "I have no gag reflex." What a fucking lie. Don't claim that to any other guy ever.

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Fourth, change things up a little bit, work on my balls too. Don't continually just suck on my balls. That shit starts to hurt. It is a good idea, though to keep your eye on my ball sack, as it is usually a good indicator of how close I am to cumming. As I, or any guy for that matter, get closer to climax, the skin on my ball sack tightens and pulls my testicles up towards my body to warm them up. You can let this happen on its own, or help out by stimulating my testicles with a hand, tongue, or mouth. Don't continually just suck the head either. That shit starts to hurt too. Change it up. You are old enough now where you have probably had 20-30 cocks minimum in your mouth. As easy as it was to get you naked I think that number could be double that. How you mix it up should depend on my response to what you do. Although there is a lot to say about blowjobs that can get the job done in a matter of minutes, it is the longer ones that usually result in more intense orgasms, and coincidently I remembered.

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Fifth, L-I-S-T-E-N! When my breathing accelerates and I tell something feels good, don't fucking change to something else. Holy shit, its like your brain isn’t wired right for blowjobs.

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Finally, don't ever claim you are the queen of blowjobs ever again unless you swallow. I, and most men find it very erotic to have a partner swallow their semen, but if you really don’t feel comfortable with it, don’t do it. Options include: catching it in your mouth, then spitting it out; using a tissue to catch it; or, just backing off at the last minute and letting it shoot on you. I personally love it when you take my load on your face or breasts.

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My girlfriend’s always given fairly good head, but if I so much as started to cum in her mouth she'd start the gagging routine and get all mad at me 'cause "You know I hate that." I tried to explain how much I hated having her stop blowing and switch to a hand job just as I got to the best part, but naturally that had no effect. I believe her response was, "No. It's gross...."

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I finally had to take the situation in hand. When I was eating her pussy, just as she started to cum I stopped, started fingering her, and complained about how I didn't like to get pussy juice in my mouth as she lost control and thrust at me. She cummed, but I’m sure I completely ruined her orgasm, even though she didn’t say anything.
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This went on for a couple of weeks. Then one night while she was blowing me, just as I was about to cum and be disappointed, she kept going. Took it all in her mouth, of course then she stopped and spit with a little gag. I felt bad about the gag, but my God, what a difference. She asked, without a hint of sarcasm, “Was that good?”

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I said, “Yes.”

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And she said, “I love you.”
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So I went back to not stopping when I eat her pussy. Like a lot of girls, she stopped performing fellatio as soon as I ejaculate. Instead, she should continue to gently stimulating me orally or with her hand for a minute or two longer. Eventually she understood that I’m not done cumming as soon as I’m done ejaculating. I don't think she wants me to show her what its like if I stop halfway through her orgasm, she probably could figure that out for herself. So although it took a while, she keeps right on blowing me now until she can tell that I don’t want any more. Which pretty much means she has to swallow.
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Be careful though, sometimes I find this after-play too intense to handle.

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I suppose if I were going to try to summarize this and make it simple, I’d say that the key to great head is, whether it’s me or someone else, finding out what the guy really likes. More hand, more throat, maybe he likes to hump your mouth. The simplest method of finding out what a guy likes is to just ask him. No matter what they say, all guys like it when their cock is in or around someone’s mouth.

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Start paying attention real soon damn it. This shit is getting ridiculous.

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If I didn't love how hot you look during doggie-style or when I’m shooting a double roper on your boobs I would have dropped you by now. I recently heard a comedian say that doggie-style is for guys that like to have sex and watch sports on TV at the same time and have a place to rest their beer…or that doggie-style was for married people because the guy gets tired of looking at his wife!

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As bad as it seems like I’ve go it, I guess I shouldn’t complain. I’ve got it better than most married guys; at least I get a blowjob. A married buddy told me that he could remember his last blowjob like it was yesterday. Actually, he said that it was six years ago, the day before he got married. According to him, sex before he got married was four to five times a week. Now he has a four-year-old son who sleeps in his bed with his wife more nights a week than he does. Sex now is maybe once a month; triple that for ‘vacation’ sex. He said that the rate goes up for a short period of time but drops off quickly when large purchases are made (house, new car, shopping sprees, new floors, etc).

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The End…

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

the other woman----part-1-of-1

The Other Woman

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It felt so good to lie down. Getting all those clothes off was a treat too. She loved it when no one was home and she could do as she pleased. A long hot shower, a small bite to eat and now.... well, now was the good part. Her lover would be coming to her tonight. She had plans for him. Oh yes, she had plans. Her fingers crept over her body as she awaited his arrival. She is 22-years-old, 5-foot 8, 121 lbs, blonde hair, cute, 34 D, and she has a flat stomach and since she works out is in pretty good shape, with a great personality. And, lets not forget her hazel eyes. They say that people with hazel eyes are very lovable and that they are really hot and are awesome to be around. She knew that he loved her, but he was married. He wants to go out with her, and be seen with her. But since he’s married she has to be content with him write to her, and knowing that he’s think of her, dreaming of her, and loving her. When they were together, he did things for her, and to her, and although she had ultimate control, she was a woman with wants and needs and if she was wearing any, soaking wet panties.

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When they were together she listened to him, watched him, felt him. Even when he complains about ‘her.’ How ‘she’ doesn't satisfy him sexually, emotionally, or mentally. How ‘she’ doesn’t want to do anything or go anywhere. How ‘she’ nags at him and make him feel like he’s failed ‘her.’ How ‘she’ makes him feel like ‘less than a man,’ how he feels like he’s not even alive when they’re together. How they avoided contact and conversation with each other just to keep down the chaos. How he avoids going to the place where they both sleep, because it just doesn’t feel like home to him. How he avoids having ‘the talk’ with ‘her,’ because divorce isn’t as easy as it sounds, regardless of how much they both know it’s inevitable.
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As she went to answer the door, to please him she was a blonde babe wearing a silk robe, sipping a glass of red wine, while soft jazz hummed quietly in the background. The lights were dimmed, but not so dark that he couldn't see a dazzling row of white teeth coming towards him smiling, with a hand extended in sincere welcome. She thought to herself, “Yes, dear, I'm paying attention. Even more so when you don’t want to talk about it." She understood that he felt trapped by his marriage and freed by his time with her.

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She shuddered at his form. He was just so sexy, dressed or otherwise. The way his skin browned in the summertime just made her weak in the knees. She watched as he unbuckled his belt and peeled his shirt from his hairy chest. She’d wanted to play hard to get tonight, but that idea went the way of the buffalo when she saw the first patch of unclothed skin. She rose to her knees on the bed and started kissing his chest. His strong hands massaged her lily-white shoulders from the front and he kissed her on the head, the way he always did.

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Her nipples sprang out of her breasts like pencil erasers at his slightest touch. He made her so hot it was almost unbearable. With one finger under her chin, he raised her face to his and kissed her lips in that soft, sexy way she absolutely adored. Her mouth fell open for him, allowing his tongue full access to her mouth. She had to deal with the ‘what a slut I am for him’ thoughts again, but that was okay. To be one man’s slut was acceptable, wasn’t it?

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He helped her onto her back and began kissing her soft velvety skin. Her flesh under his lips and tongue quivered and grew goose pimples. She cherished his touch in whatever form, anytime she could get it. It made her feel warm and secure to know that someone loved her enough to be concerned about her skin’s need for another’s touch. This touching, though, was a gift from the Gods themselves. The rapture of it all was enough to push her over the edge, but that would all come later. This was just the warm-up.

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She was well on her way by the time he slid out of his jeans. The feel of his large, heavy body against hers caused a shiver to run up and down her spine. God, how his wife must love that, she mused for the thousandth time. She could almost count every pubic hair that caressed her thigh as he curled around her to suck her granite hard nipple into his mouth. Tiny electric pulses surged along the nerves that connected both nipples to her throbbing clit. It was as if he were touching a bare, live wire directly to her nervous system. Jesus, he was magnificent.

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She begged him; in sensuous whispers that only he could hear, to lick her. She made the cute baby talk that always got him to give in quickly and was rewarded with an expert tongue invading her tender of her petals of her flower of womanhood. His mouth did the mating dance on her pussy with a skill that all men should aspire to. First lightly flicking, then his tongue wandered up and down her slit, and then finally sucking directly on her engorged bud. Her back arched off the bed as he brought her to the summit and then pushed her over the edge. She lay gasping for a second, reveling in the moment. As he always did, he waited until the pleasure subsided before touching her again. Everything perfect, just like it should be.

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She spread wide for him, with a ‘come hither’ grin. He smiled back and cradled himself at the portals of her precious womanhood. Playfully, he teased her, making her passions increase. She tried to force the issue herself, but he was much too strong for her. She had no choice but to wait until he was kind enough to continue. The seconds seemed to take a lifetime. Slowly, painfully slow, he pushed his giant tool against the passion-engorged lips of her damp slit. She moaned and sighed at his unremitting persistence in teasing her to death. Chocking back a sob, she begged for it, and even tried to bargain for it, but he kept up his maddening slow pace. As his cock eventually crept between her pretty pink lips and deep within the silken walls of her special place, new pangs of pleasant torture shot through her. One would have heard her bones creaking, had she not been so wet and ready for him. At very long last, he was inside her. Now she had him.

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As her damp warmth engulfed him, his hips started to buck, softly and slowly to let her get used to the rhythm. Her fingers closed tightly around the edges of the mattress as he slowly picked up the pace. She cried out in ecstasy as he suddenly plunged forward, burying his throbbing cock balls deep into her volcanic pussy. What a stallion. His cock drove deep into her body, igniting fires in her brain that only an orgasm could extinguish. She clinched the inner muscles of her embroiled pussy and pushed her hips into every thrust, trying to milk him of his hot seed. Soon their thrusting was approaching the brutal point of no return, as their bodies crashing into each other like the relentless waves of the ocean crashing against the rocks of the beach.

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She could hear him; those softly whisper grunts and moans that signified his impending explosion. God she treasured this part. His thrusts were powerful and sporadic, as if he’d lost control of himself to the beast hidden deep in his soul. With a satisfied sigh, she inwardly braced for it, both his and her own. With all the tension they were building up, this one would set off a Richter scale somewhere, she was sure. Their love would shake the world and everyone in it.

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He clamped on to her body with an iron grip as his balls erupted spewing scalding cum through his cock and into her willing pussy. Her own spasms were as uncontrollable as a muscular disease must be. She could feel his pubic hairs as each passed over her hypersensitive clit. The scorching cum he filled her with ignited the fireworks in her mind, just as they always did. The floodgates, holding back the tide of her passions, broke free. She screamed out into the dark night like a train whistle on an overheated boiler. Bright spots grew and exploded behind her compressed eyelids. And then there was calm.

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The room was literally bursting with the sudden quiet. The only sound was two bodies heaving and gasping for air. The exercise always drained her, but she would gladly suffer it for the prize. If only it would make her thinner, but that was of far less concern now than their mutual pleasure. Now she would just languish in the emotional after glow of the moment and enjoy him. As they slid off one another, he reached out and tenderly he held her close long in the night. A small kiss on the cheek was the reward that she expected and received. He always added the little touches that made every time with him special.

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When he said, “I love you,” as soft as a butterfly’s wing a small tear of happiness formed in her eye. She loved him too, but could never admit it. Nor could she admit just how much she loved him, not even to herself. As usual she didn’t kiss him until he was walking out the door.

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After he was gone, her eyes opened again, her lonely love making over. She fished out a baby wipe to wash her sticky fingers. Luckily no one had noticed that she always kept a box under her bed. He was always so good, but the return trip to reality was always such a let down. She loved him desperately, but it was true, she could never admit it to anyone. What would her family think if they knew she thought about her sister’s husband this way...and so often?

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The End…

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