agnes----part-1-of-1

Agnes...

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Agnes is on trial for murder
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Part of the trial transcript:

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Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Agnes: I am 84 years old.
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Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Agnes: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
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Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Agnes: No, but he sure was friendly. Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down? Agnes: He started to rub my thigh.
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Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Agnes: No, I didn't stop him.

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Defense Attorney: Why not?
Agnes: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Mort died some 30 years ago.
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Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Agnes: He began to rub my breasts.

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Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Agnes: No, I did not stop him.
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Defense Attorney: Why not?
Agnes: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
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Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Agnes: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me!"
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Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

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Agnes: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
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Agnes was sentenced to life in prison but was let off on probation after bribing the judge with a radio.

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The End