jokes

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#1
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One night, a man and his lady friend were about to enter his apartment, when, before he could open the door, she said, “Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door.”
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The man says, “Well, give me some examples.”
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The lady explains, “Well, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me. If a man fumbles around and can’t seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced, and that isn’t for me either.”
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Then she said, “How do you unlock your door?”
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The man answered, “Well, before I do anything else, I usually lick the lock…”
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#2 Blonde Joke
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A Blonde gets pulled over by a cop for speeding.
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The cop approaches the blonde: Cop: May I see your drivers license please?
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Blonde: Drivers license. What is that?
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Cop: It's the little card that the DPS gives you that allows you to operate a motor vehicle.
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Blonde: Oh, that silly thing. She fishes in her purse and gives it to the cop.
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Cop: Now may I see your insurance card?
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Blonde: Insurance card. What is that?
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Cop: It's the papaerwork your insurance company gives you that proves you have insurance.
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Blonde: Oh, that silly thing. She fishes through her glove box and gives it to the cop.
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The cop then goes back to his car to check her out. A little while later the cop goes back to the blondes car, He gives her back her license and insurance card.
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He then stands by her open window and whips out his cock.
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The blonde looks at his cock hanging there and says " Oh darn, not another breathalizer test."
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#3 Yet Another Joke
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There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each $5000 and see how each of them spends it.
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The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
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The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
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The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
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The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.
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