a man

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A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.
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After having great sex, she spent the next hour just
rubbing his
testicles -- something she loved to do.
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As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why
do you love doing
that?"
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Because, she replied, "I miss mine."
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Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it???
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porn

http://www.xhamster.com/movies/106803/100_handjobs_compilation_-_part_2.html

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge

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When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food and water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
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The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they miss someone very special to them; who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. The bright eyes are intent; the eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to break away from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. YOU have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
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~Author Unknown
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revenge----part-1 thru 2-of-2

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Revenge

Part-1-of-2

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I waved at the security guard as if I belonged there and gave him a cheery good morning as I headed for the elevators. I got on and hit the button for the third floor. When the door opened on three I got quickly off and went directly to the employees bulletin board. I took a piece of paper from my pocket and thumb tacked it to the board and then headed for the men's bathroom. Once inside I went into each of the four stalls and using a magic marker I wrote the same thing on all four of the stall walls. I used the stairwell to go up to the fourth floor where I repeated what I’d done on three and then I took the stairwell down to the lobby. I had a huge smile on my face as I walked out the front door of the building.
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It’s been said over and over again that ‘Revenge is a dish best served cold.’ I've never understood the saying. I could never decide if it meant that you should wait until the person you wanted revenge on had forgotten about you or if it meant that whatever you did to get your revenge had to be something 'stone cold.'
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If it was the former then I didn't have the patience to wait that long and if it was the latter, well, I guess that you could consider what I’d just done a very ‘stone cold’ thing to do. And that was only half of it. The other half took place when I sat at my computer this morning. I figured that all hell would break loose around ten that morning so I had conveniently taken the day off from work and once I had gotten home from running my little errand I took the phone off the hook. Then, with everything in place, I grabbed a good book and settled down on the couch to enjoy a nice, leisurely morning.
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It all started the way most of these things start, an unexpected trip to the house during the day and finding a familiar car in the driveway. Why would Bill be visiting my house in the middle of the day, I wondered? The answer was immediately apparent as soon as I was in the front door.
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"Damn it Barbara, you’re tight. Doesn't James ever fuck you anymore?"
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"Not nearly enough sweetie, and nowhere near as good as you do. Come on lover, push it in deep and fuck me. We only have two hours until you have to go."
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I couldn't believe it. There was no fucking doubt that my best friend was fucking my wife. And on top of that she was telling him I wasn't worth a shit in bed. That really hurt. I'd always thought that Barbara and I had a great sex life. We usually made it four or five times a week and more often than not twice on those occasions. And that doesn’t even count the quickies in the morning before I’d head off to work.
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I guess most men would have gone charging into the bedroom screaming, ready to kick ass and take names, but I wasn't most men. My motto since the eighth grade has been, ‘Don't get mad, get even.’ I very quietly made my way into my home office and got my mini-recorder and a fresh tape. Then I crept as close to the bedroom door as I dared, opened the linen closet door a crack and put the recorder where it would pick up the most from the bedroom and then I quietly left the house.
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. …………

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When I got back home that night Barbara had dinner ready. And, as usual she had a fresh pitcher of martinis in the refrigerator so we sat down and had our usual before dinner cocktail and made small talk.
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"How was your day sweetie?" I asked innocently.
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"It was full of the usual bullshit meetings and conference calls. How was yours?"
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"Pretty boring. I went to Wal-Mart grocery shopping this morning and the place as usual was a madhouse. After I put the groceries away I did a load of laundry and then read a book for the rest of the afternoon."
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"Anything good?"
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"No, just one of those Nora Roberts bodice rippers, something about the MacGregors."
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"Usual story? Wife having a sordid affair with the hubby's best friend?" I asked knowing that would be more of a Daniel Steel theme than a Nora Roberts theme.
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"Yes, pretty much."
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After dinner I helped Barbara with the dishes and then I retrieved my cassette recorder and then went into my home office to 'catch up on some paperwork.' I quickly rewound the tape, hit the PLAY button and then listened as my wife and my so-called best friend ridiculed me between bouts on the bed. What interested me most were the arrangements they made for their next meetings. Tomorrow was out because Barbara was planning on having her hair done, but they planned on getting together the day after tomorrow. And Bill was planning to spend two nights with Barbara when I went out of town the following week. I wondered how he was going to swing that without his wife finding out what he was up to. Apparently, from their conversation, it wouldn’t be the first time that Bill had came over and kept Barbara company while I was out of town. Anyway, with that information in hand I began to plan.
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. …………

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It’s just flat assed amazing the information that you can find on the Internet. Two hours of surfing and I had almost all that I needed. A trip to Radio Shack and Electronics Avenue and a credit card got me the rest. I went home during the day when I knew Barbara would be at the hairdressers. And then using the information that I gotten off the Net and my purchases, I rigged a tape recorder to the phone line and hid a voice activated tape recorder in the bedroom. The rest would have to wait for the weekend when Barbara went to visit her mother and sister.
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That night when I got home I put in a new tape and retrieved the tape from the recorder on the phone line. In my office I listened to a 10-minute conversation between Bill and Barbara where they told each other how much they missed each other and couldn't hardly wait until the next day when they could again be in each other's arms.
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The next day, while Barbara was doing the dishes, I got the tape out of the recorder in the bedroom and later in my office I listened to it. Aside from the sounds of sex I got to listen to the two of them talk about how stupid Bill's wife, Eve and I were. How they had been fucking each other for over a year and Eve and I were none the wiser. Bill bad mouthed Eve and said she was lousy in bed. .

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Barbara shot me through the grinder by pointing out all my failings and then telling Bill how happy she was that he had come into her life. I put the tape in a safe place and put a fresh one in the recorder.
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When I left for Seattle on Monday my bedroom was wired for both pictures and sound. I had three mini-cams positioned to record everything that went on in the bedroom and feed it to three electronically activated VCRs inside a cabinet in my den. A test run had shown that as long as there was light in the room I would get decent pictures.
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It was an expensive setup, but fortunately I could afford it. Besides, it would pay for itself in what I wouldn't have to pay out when the time came for the divorce. Motion detectors turned on the cameras and the cameras coming on turned on the VCRs. No motion for five minutes turned off the cameras, which in turn shut down the VCRs. As my flight lifted off I was looking forward to watching some interesting footage when I got home. I was going to be severely pissed if the setup didn't work.
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I waited until ten in the evening to call Barbara because I knew from the recorded conversations that Bill was planning on being there by seven. When Barbara answered the phone she sounded a little out of breath. I asked her about it and she said that she was riding her Exercise-bike in the basement and was talking to me on the cordless. In the middle of the conversation I heard a sharp intake of breath and I knew without a doubt that the tape would show Bill sliding his cock into Barbara at that point in the conversation. We talked for another minute or two and then I told her that I loved her and that I missed her and she said the same things back to me and I hung up.
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The next night the call was almost a carbon copy of the call the night before except that I said that I was going to be horny as hell when I got home and Barbara said that was good because she planned on fucking me to death as soon as I got home.
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And she did. I fell asleep absolutely exhausted the night I got home. Barbara could not keep her hands off me and I was almost tempted to ask why she thought that I was so bad in bed, but then that would have spoiled my surprise.
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The next day I reviewed the tapes in the three VCRs and found …

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Revenge

Part-2-of-2

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The next day I reviewed the tapes in the three VCRs and found that I had some good footage, some really great footage and a lot of shitty footage. The most important thing though was that I had enough good footage to work with. But I wasn't done, not yet. Over the next three weeks the VCRs and the tape recorders continued to tape away as Bill came over and romped with Barbara.
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On a Saturday when Barbara was visiting her mother and sister I sat down and reviewed everything that I had and started editing it. I had some really great stuff that was almost professional porno quality and mixed with the 'just good' stuff it gave me a video that was almost two hours long. Then I made a shot tape that I was going to keep for myself. It included a scene where Bill was shoving his cock deep in Barbara's ass and she was screaming and begging him to never stop. There was another scene where Barbara had cum dripping from her cunt and Bill crawling under her so it could drip down into his mouth.
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Most of the footage was simple suck and fuck, but what was most important to me was clarity. It was absolutely essential to my plan that I have plenty of footage with a clearly recognizable Bill and a clearly recognizable Barbara.
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When the day I was waiting for arrived, I packed up copies of everything that I had into two parcels. Then I took them to the Post Office and sent them off. It was a Saturday morning and I requested 2-Day Priority Mail so that the packages would be delivered on Monday. Then I went home and put the rest of my plan into play. Two days later a couple of computer keystrokes and a visit to where Bill worked and it was over. All I had to do was sit back and wait.
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Barbara came home from her weekly beauty shop appointment and was surprised to find me lying on the couch reading a book. She had some groceries with her so she went into the kitchen to put them away.
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"Honey? Did you know that the phone is off the hook?"
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"No sweetie, I didn't. I must have knocked it off when I made myself a sandwich and not have noticed."
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She had no sooner put the phone back in the cradle than it rang.
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"Hello?"
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"What?"
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"Are you sure?" she stammered.
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"What are you going to do?"
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"Okay, I'll go look. What was it again?"
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I heard her leave the kitchen and go into the family room where we keep the computer. About two minutes went by and then I heard a sharp cry. I smiled to myself as Barbara perused her very own porno site. Two minutes later she stormed into the room.
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"You bastard! What have you done?"
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"Why, I made you famous sweetie. You should be a household name by now, at least among Bill's co-workers. It’s probably unfortunate that he works for the company that his father-in-law owns, but what the hell; according to him Eve was a lousy wife anyway so he won't miss her when she's gone. And I doubt that he would want to keep his job and have to face his ex-father in law every day. Then again he might not have any say in whether he stays or goes. That will probably depend on how daddy feels when he pulls up the web site and sees what Bill has to say about Eve."
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I looked at my watch, "Eve should be opening her package right about now, at least if the Post Office is on time delivering to Eve's street."
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"Package? What package?"
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"Nothing much, just a copy of every tape that I've made of you and Bill over the last three weeks."
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"My God, how could you do such a thing to me?"
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"It was easy Barbara. All I had to do was remember that you were stabbing me in the back with the asshole that was supposed to be my best friend. The worst part for you hasn't hit yet. I imagine that it won't happen until five-thirty or six."
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But when the phone rang and I said, "Or maybe sooner."
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"Hello?
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"Oh hi mom.
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"WHAT?"
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I didn't hear another word so I got up and followed her into the kitchen. She was standing there, face as white as chalk, as her mother yakked away on the other end.
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"Something wrong, sweetie," I innocently asked.
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"How could you send that to my parents wrapped as an anniversary present?"
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"Hey sweetie, at least I remembered their anniversary,” I laughed.
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"What else have you done, you bastard?"
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"I posted your web site address on every shit house wall where Bill works along with the message "For a good time call Barbara at" and I put down your cell phone number. I also posted the same stuff on all the bulletin boards there. Let's see, what else did I do? Oh yeah. I sent e-mail to everyone in your address book. I said, "Hey! Look at the new me" and of course there were attachments. I would love to be there and see your grandmother's face when she sees you begging Bill to fuck your asshole."
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She stared at me for almost a full minute and then said, "How could you hate me so much?"
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"It was easy Barbara. All I had to do was watch the tapes and listen to what you had to say about me when you were fucking Bill. Speaking of Bill, Eve has probably tossed his ass out by now. Give him a call, maybe he'll let you live with him."
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"What? Why are you saying something like that? Why in God's name would I want to live with that oaf?" she asked.
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"I don't know Barbara, but you’re not staying here. I'm taking you at your word. I'm stupid, I'm no good in bed and I'm not all that great as a husband. I got it all on tape Barbara, so pack your shit and get out of here."
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Just then the phone rang again.
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"You better get that. It’s probably your boyfriend wanting to cry on your shoulder."
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Barbara answered the phone and then held it out to me, "It's for you."
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I took the phone and heard Eve say, "I got an interesting package in the mail today. It had no return address, but the content made me somehow think of you. Know anything about it?"
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"Guilty as charged. Sorry if it upset you, but I had an uncontrollable urge to get some revenge."
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"Don't apologize. I've suspected the asshole was cheating on me for quite some time now, but I could never prove it. Thanks, I owe you one. What are you doing on your end?"
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I looked over at Barbara and said, "She'll be out of here in an hour."
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"I'm surprised that you're giving her that much time. All I did was call the asshole and tell him not to bother coming home, ever. My dad called me an hour ago and wanted to know what I wanted him to do so I told him. And Bill is now among the unemployed. Anyway, I owe you."
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"When the dust clears I'll let you buy me a drink."
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"Deal. I'll talk to you later."
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As I hung up the phone, I looked over at Barbara, "You still here?"

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The end…

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Aunt Karen

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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. .
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
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"Tony, do you have a story to share?"
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"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy Territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.
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She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
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"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your Daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
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"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking..."
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mom----part-1-of-1

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Hot Mom

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I am 18-years old and often think about girls from my college when I masturbate. All the girls from college wear low cut tops and very short skirts that are more like a belt than a skirt. Some would wear panty hose or stockings and others would go bare legged. Watching them would always get me so horny that as soon as I got home I would to go straight to my room and masturbate while thinking about them bending over and showing me there skimpy panties and thongs.
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Today was yet another very hot day and it was only the start of the summer. The unintentional teasing that the girls were doing had my cock as stiff as a board. I skipped the last two classes of the day and headed home early because I couldn’t concentrate on what the teachers were saying anyway. All I could think of was watching the girls bending over and thinking how good it would feel to rip their panties off and fuck their brains out.
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As I walked in the front door I could hear music playing from upstairs. It sounded like my sister Ruth was home from work early today too. Ruth was 20, had deep blue eyes and red hair down to the middle of her back. She stands at 5-foot 6 and carries a few pounds more than she would like but she still looked hot. Plus she has a great pair of breasts, 38c according to the label in the bra I found one day in the dirty clothes hamper.
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Mom didn't work so except for when she was at the gym, she was always at home. Her name is Karla, she is 38-years old and stands at 5-foot 8 and weighs in at about 130 lbs and is a 36C in the bra department. She has shoulder length black hair and brown eyes and works out at least twice a week at the local gym and always has all the guys drooling over her including me.
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Oh my name is Paul and I am 6-foot tall with short brown hair blue eyes and about 180lbs. And since I accidentally saw Ruth and mom out back trying to get an all over suntan about a month ago I have been as horny as hell around them both.

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Now where was I, oh yeah I had just walked in the front door and could here music playing. I thought I would be able to make it to my room without being caught with my pants tenting out in front of me. I got to within 3-feet of my bedroom door when I heard my Mom calling me.
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"Paul? Is that you? Come here I need a word with you,” called out Mom.
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"Yeah it's me. Can we talk later?" I yelled back wanting to get rid of my erection before I saw her.
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"It wont take but a second, I just need your opinion about something,” Mom called back.
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"Oh ok mom. Where are you?"
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"In my bedroom, dear," she answered. Which meant that it was Ruth in the bathroom taking a shower by the sounds of it. As I walk towards Mom's bedroom with my cock sticking out about a foot in front of my pants, I wondered how the hell I was going to hide it from her. As I walked into her bedroom I tried to hide the fact that my 8-cock was about to burst through my pants by grabbing Ruth's towel that was hanging over the top of the bathroom door and holding it in front of my crotch.
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I was shocked. Mom was standing in the full-length mirror on her wardrobe door admiring the way she looked in a black lacy bra and matching lacy thong panties that gave me a great view of mom’s terrific ass.
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"Hi honey, how was school?" my mom asked over her shoulder. I was so stunned by how fantastic she looked, that I didn't know what to say.
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"Eh, err, it was ok I guess," I managed to stutter back at her.
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"Well that's good. So Paul what do you think about my new bra and thong set?" asked Mom innocently as she pranced around the room posing for me, which only made my erection twitch and begin to throb. She looked marvelous in her black underwear, but black stockings would have topped it off perfectly though. Her bra didn't hide her breasts very well; as a matter of fact the way that it was designed made her breasts looked even larger than they normally were. They looked so big that her bra looked like her breasts were going to fall out of it.
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"Well... you look...," was all I could say, as I stared at her sexy body.
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"Does your mom look sexy in her new bra and thongs?" Mom asked in a sing song voice.
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"Oh god yes. You look fucking amazing in them Mom," I blurted out like a silly kid.
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"I do, don't I Paul," she sighed as she gazed at herself in the mirror again.
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"Mom, I think you look as hot or hotter than any of the girls at college"
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My cock was so stiff and hard by now that it was in danger of ripping through my pants. As I stared lustfully at Mom, all I wanted to do was tear her bra and thong off and fuck her silly. What the fuck was I thinking about, this was my Mom. Ok thinking about Ruth this way was one thing but thinking about Mom like this was something else. But I must admit that she looked so fucking hot, and that mom or not, I would have fucked her if she’d have asked me to. Just then I heard Ruth calling out from the bathroom.
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"Mom did you take my towel?"
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"So what are you doing with your sister’s towel Paul?" Mom asked with raised eyebrows. I noticed that Mom was now looking my crotch area. “Are you hiding something down there Paul?"
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"Err... What do you mean mom?" I asked nervously.
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"Well you look a little flushed there, are you ok?"

Just then Ruth, not knowing that I was home yet, came stumbling into mom's room totally naked. I was behind mom's bedroom door and she didn't see me so I got a great view of her bare ass.

"Nice ass sis” I called out.

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"What the fuck," was all Ruth got our as she spun around to see who was there.
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It was like this was one of my dreams, Mom standing there in her black lacy bra and thong and now my sexy sister standing there totally naked in front of me. Her nipples were at least a good half inch long and the area around them was a dark pink and about the size of a silver dollar. She had shaved off all her pussy hair except for a little strip above her clit that looked like an arrow pointing to her honey pot.
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"Holy fuck," was all that she could say as she threw herself on the bed belly down to cover herself.
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All I did was stand there with a huge smile on my face and my tongue hanging out like a hungry wolf. I walked over next to Mom who was still standing there with a little smile on her face and a wicked look in her eye. As hot as my Mom looked, I just couldn't tear my eyes off of Ruth’s nakedness. She was naked on the bed in front of me and Mom and all I wanted to do was take her breasts in my hands and suck them.
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Mom had noticed that I had a huge bulge in my pants because my hands had dropped and the towel no longer hid my erection.
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"Paul did I do that or was it Ruth?" mom asked pointing her finger at my pants.
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"Holy fuck mom, look at the size of that monster Paul's got in his pants," Ruth called out.
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"Well do you think we should do something about it?" mom asked Ruth.
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"What do you think we should do?" Ruth asked mom.
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"I don't know, Ruth"
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"Well, I have a couple of ideas" Ruth beamed back at Mom. Then turning back to me, asked with a little smile, "Would you like for Mom to take your hard cock in her mouth and suck it for you Paul?"
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"Oh god Y-yes... I would love it," I stuttered.
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"If you ask for it nicely maybe Mom will do it for you," Ruth almost screamed out through her laughter.

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Tearing my eyes away from Mom’s cock, I looked at her soft red cupid-bow lips and moaned, "P-please mom... will you suck my cock?"
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Mom didn't know what to do so; she just stood there frozen to the spot. Ruth, not even bothering to cover up anymore, sat up on the bed with a glazed look in her eyes. All I could do was stare at her breasts and those big nipples that pointed right at me as if asking me to suck on them. The words barely came out of Ruth's mouth when mom placed her hand on my chest and started to tug at my t-shirt.
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The look in mom's eyes was the same lust crazed look that was in my sister’s eyes. Ruth moved to the edge of the bed as mom turned me to face her and pulled my t-shirt clean off me in one big tug. Ruth reached her hand out towards my crotch and began gently rubbing my throbbing cock through my pants. Mom’s hand was now running over my bare chest and down onto my stomach, I couldn't believe what mom and Ruth were doing or what Ruth was asking.
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Mom kneeled in front of me and began to unzip and pull my pants down. My hard cock was just inches from mom's face as Ruth continued to rub and stroke my cock.
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"Oh Paul your cock is so big. It's bigger than your fathers," moaned mom as my pants and boxers were pulled down to my ankles in one swift movement. Mom stroked my cock for the first time as she and Ruth both wrapped their hands around my prick. Then as mom started to lick it all over, Ruth moved down and started to lick my balls. I was in heaven. Inch by inch mom took my big 8-inch cock into her pretty mouth. I was finding out that mom was an expert of sucking cock and almost cummed in her mouth right then and there.
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Ruth played with my balls while mom deep throated my cock. The sound that came from all the sucking and licking was amazing.
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"Mmmm.. my sons big cock taste so sweet," mom moaned out as she took my cock momentarily out of her mouth.
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I thought I was dreaming but I wasn't, my mom was sucking my cock as my sister licked and suck my balls into her mouth. I wondered how much longer I could last before I cummed in mom's mouth and all over her beautiful face.
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"I bet your cum tastes even better, cum for mommy, please?" mom begged.
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Mom was sucked my cock furiously and I still couldn't believe it was real. When I looked down, Mom was playing with her nipples as she sucked on my cock. Ruth was right between my legs and had positioned herself right in front of mom. As my sister let my balls slip from her mouth she looked straight at mom's big bouncy breasts before latched her mouth onto mom's left nipple and began to suck for all she was worth.
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"Oh fucking hell yes," mom screamed out as she took me out of her mouth.
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Mom had now moved to a sitting position in front of Ruth while I stood there watching them. As they moved closer to each other they moved their legs so that they could get closer to each other. When their breasts met and they were pussy to pussy. I couldn't believe they were fucking each other in front of me. As they kissed there tongues met and danced together exploring each other’s mouth.
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Mom grabbed a double-headed dildo that was lying just under the bed and pushed half of it straight up inside Ruth's dripping pussy in one thrust. Then pulled herself on to the other end of it as she moved closer to my sister's pussy. I was now starting to feel a little neglected as mom and Ruth broke their kiss and moaned as they both fucked the dildo that they shared between their hot dripping pussy’s.
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Mom and Ruth didn't last long; they were soon both cumming all over the double-headed dildo. As mom pulled the big rubber cock from their drenched pussy's and threw across the room. I stood over them both and masturbating to the site of them fucking that big rubber cock. When I started feeling that I was close to cumming, I yelled, "Mom! Ahhh! Mom, I'm cumming!"
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"Cum in my mouth Paul, I want to taste my sons sperm!"
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Mom began to stoke my now dripping cock as she took me back into her mouth so I could swallow my cum. Both mom and Ruth were still fucking each other and Ruth had mom's breast back in her mouth
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"Aaaah! Mom here I cum!"
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My spunk began to shoot out of my cock jet after jet straight into my moms open mouth. Mom tried to swallowed every last drop of it. But as her body began to stiffen and Ruth screamed out they both began to cum all over each others pussy as I cummed in mom's mouth.
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"Oh fuck yessss, I'm cummmiiinnnggg mom," Ruth screamed as her orgasm began to rip through her.
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"Oh fuck yes, suck it, swallow my cum you fucking bitch," I shouted at mom as I cummed in her mouth and all over her face.
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As mom bucked her pussy against Ruth's, my cock came away from her mouth and my cum went all over Ruth's breasts and belly. All my sister could do was buck back against mom as I stood there cumming all over both of them.
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After I finished cumming, I dropped to the floor beside my mom and my sister as they began to come down from there orgasms. We all lay there, basking in our after glow. Mom reached her hand out and took my semi hard cock back into her mouth and kept sucking until my cock went soft.
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"What did you think son, was mom a good cocksucker?" she asked.
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"God. You’re the best cocksucker that I know, mom. It felt so great."
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"OK now go and get cleaned up you two before your father gets home"
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"And don't tell anyone about this, either of you ok?""
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"Ok Mom, we promise, " we both said at the same time.
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Ruth wrapped her towel back around her and headed back to the bathroom to take another shower. I pulled my pants back up and looked at my sexy mother again before I left the room. When I got to my room I heard my dad coming in the front door.
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"Holy shit, dad’s home," I said to myself as I shut my bedroom door behind me.

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The end…

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Subject: GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...

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Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.
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A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. >> It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
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She let out a very loud scream.
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The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
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He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
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His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
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The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
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About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
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The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
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But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
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The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
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The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
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The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
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By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here.......
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They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.
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The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
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Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
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The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
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Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square
city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
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Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
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A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
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And that's when he shot her.
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